Nik the Makeup Junkie: mental health month

May 21, 2019

It's Okay To Not Be Okay | Mental Health Month

It's May, which means it's Mental Health Awareness month. I think it's important to talk about mental health, because it's something the majority of us are currently or will in the future, struggle with. So, as I said in the title, it's okay to not be okay and I'm not okay.

I've struggled with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, panic attacks, body dysmorphia, as well as other mental issues due to past trauma and abuse. We're not going into details today, that's not the point of this post. The point is to tell you that you're not alone. No matter what it is you're going through, you're never alone.
Lately, I've been seriously struggling. I'm freelancing and attending a full time software dev boot camp. My husband works 50+ hours per week, we share a car and we're on conflicting schedules. I'm going to class at 9, driving back home on my lunch break to take him to work, going back to class, leaving class in the evenings, getting as much work done as possible and picking him back up from work in basically the middle of the night. To say my days are stressful is an understatement.

I've been off all of my depression, anxiety, and migraine medications for a year now. I've been getting botox treatments to handle my migraines, but I'm on my own for stress and depression. Not only this, but I'm having other health problems. I'm back in a place where I'm unable to lose weight and I'm always so tired. I work out. I eat healthy 95% of the time. I now know I was able to lose weight previously because of the medications I was on and now I need to go back to the doctor to test my thyroid more thoroughly since it's not working as it should.
I'm not able to sleep without CBD as I mentioned in my last post because of things I've repressed for many years resurfacing. Some days are way more difficult than I feel I can handle, but I have. I've made it through everyday. I've tried to stay as positive as possible and it's an eternal battle it would seem.

The entire purpose of this post isn't to justify my current mental state. It's to let you know that no, I'm not okay and that yes, it's okay if you're not okay. It's okay to not be okay. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself. Make time for you. Talk to someone. Speak with a professional if you think it can help, it surely won't hurt.
Just know that you're NEVER alone.

May 25, 2017

Overcoming Anxiety and Depression | Mental Health Awareness Month

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month and May is quickly coming to an end, I couldn't really justify putting this post off any longer. This is a post that I've honestly written 10 times over, and I've deleted the draft every time. It's something that's been hard to write, and impossible to publish.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. I've always had extreme social anxiety and I'm a huge introvert. I don't like being around people; it's exhausting and people honestly make me extremely nervous. Social anxiety has always been extreme for me. There are many days where it's hard for me to even leave my house. Meeting new people is almost totally impossible; I left a job interview when I found out it was going to be a group interview. I literally snuck out when no one was paying attention because it was too much. Being around people is mentally and physically draining and exhausting. I find it extremely difficult to talk to people, even people I know. I literally have less than 5 friends. I don't think people realize how crippling social anxiety can be. I'm a worrier. My head gets so loud that I can't listen to anything. It's deafening. I'm constantly worrying about things that aren't happening yet. I'm worrying about things that are inevitable. I'm worrying about things that have already happened. I'm worrying about things that could happen. I'm worrying about things that could happen but most likely won't happen. Anxiety is the most illogical bullshit you'll ever deal with. The thing that makes it worse is that you KNOW it's illogical and you keep doing it anyway. Then, there's depression. Because, why not? There's literally no possible way to describe what depression feels like. It's different for everyone, and it's not the same for me every day. Some days it feels like the entire world is crushing me. Other days I'm completely numb and I don't feel anything. My depression isn't constant, it comes and goes. So, how is it affecting my life? I haven't had a job in 3 years. I rarely leave my house. I have no energy and hardly any motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I hardly eat. I stopped going to the gym. I stopped talking to everyone, family included. I stopped doing everything I used to love doing. I've lost most of my creativity. Writing is a struggle. There's a huge stigma with depression and anxiety. Personally, I'm sick of it. There are people who will think less of you because you deal with these things. Fuck them. Honestly, those are not people who matter. People who matter will understand. Anxiety and Depression are not things you just "fix" by snapping your fingers. If I hear one more person tell me that if I went for a run every morning I wouldn't have depression or anxiety anymore, I'm going to give them a reason to run. Don't be afraid to do whatever it is you need to do to help with your anxiety or depression. Talk to someone, ask for help, ask for medication if that's what you need. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone shame you over that. It's a constant uphill battle that you'll probably fight everyday; I know I am. Some days are easier than others, but I keep going. I'm fully aware that I'll struggle with these issues for my entire life, but I want to get a better handle on them and that's exactly what I'm working to do. Thank you for reading.

It's Okay To Not Be Okay | Mental Health Month

Overcoming Anxiety and Depression | Mental Health Awareness Month

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